When God gives a quiet No.

In my world lately I have been learning how to accept the "quiet no's" in my life. It seems that there have been many times lately when I have asked God for something and He has quietly responded, no, so quiet even sometimes that I think He has possibly not heard me. I have come to realize now over the last week or so that God answers each and every prayer but sometimes it is a quiet no that I have to listen for. This is very difficult because I often find myself asking God for a YES that slaps me in the face. God has presented me with various things over the past couple of months and put things in my mind and when I ask for them He does respond yes at times but other times it is the whisper of no that I hear. We often think that "no" is a bad answer as we always want to be told yes but I think that the No's are just as important and help protect us from bad decisions and bad paths for our lives. I know that when God tells me NO whether He screams it at me or whether He whispers it to me, the answer is No and there is a reason. I may not know the reason or understand the reason but the answer remains the same. I will praise God for the No's that he has whispered to me. The best way to hear the quiet no's is to be still and KNOW that HE is God.

Second String

Have you ever felt like you were second string? I know that I have had that feeling before and I don't like that feeling. That makes you feel so insecure about everything. ie...why don't they like? what did I do? am I not good enough? As adults we learn to deal with those feelings and realize that we should not let other people determine how we feel about ourselves. Yes we often fall into the trap of doubting ourselves but then we "put on our big girl panties" and move on realizing that we are important and valuable human beings. Now with that being said, how do you deal with your child possibly feeling like they are second string, second choice for something whether it be in a friendship, activity or whatever. I am getting a taste of that and I do not like it. I, of course think that my daughter is phenomenal. I know that in reality she is no more important in the grand scheme of things than anyone else but in my "mommy" mind she is the best. It really hurts to see my daughter be left out of something or be second choice. Right now, I dont even think that she realizes that she is second choice, but to me it is obvious. All I can do is help teach her to have good self esteem and not have her self worth based on what other people think of her. Now the only delima is - how do I teach her that??????

A Quick Catch Up.

WellI haven't posted since September and alot has happened. Thanksgiving Christmas New Years Valentines etc. March 13th _ Madison turned 5. The day before her actual birthday, we had her birthday party at the bowling alley. She had an absolute blast. That night when I put her to bed she gave me a hug and said "You are the best Mommy ever. Thank you for everything today. Mommy, I will never be too old to be your baby doll." Then I am left sobbing over my 5 year old. I am very blessed to have this precious little girl in my life. Tucker is now 18 months old. Wow! he is growing too quick. He is now saying "Tank Tu" (thank you) and he gives the best kisses, whether you ask for one or not. He also plays peekaboo. He covers your face and says "wheredyougo" (where did you go) and then says "dareyouare" (there you are). Too cute. Tucker is in an extra lovey stage right now. In the mornings he is so extra sweet and letting you hold him. Love that part of this stage he is in.

Wonderful 1

Today is my sweet little man's 1st birthday. It seems like it was just yesterday that I was feeling him moving around in my stomach. I remember seeing his sweet little face for the first time and being amazed at how perfect he was. It has been a quick year. Tucker is growing so fast that I just feel like I can't keep up. I am so excited for each new stage and at the same time I don't want him to grow up at all. Just this past Sunday, Tucker started walking behind his walking toys and now he is walking with them using only one hand to hold on. It will be no time before he is taking his very own first steps by himself. I don't know that I am ready for all of this. But ready or not....here it comes.

This morning we started Tucker's birthday celebration with special donuts with sprinkles. He cramed a mouthful in his mouth, sucked off the icing and spit the rest out. Too funny. He isnow down for his morning nap and I am left to carry on my day and think about how much he has grown and to think about what the next year will bring for him. I don't wish a single day away with my little man.

Busy Days

Well this has been a very busy month. Nick started back for another school year. Madison started preschool. Most. recently Madison started gymnastics and now is signed up for soccer. Last week I bought Madison her leotard for gymnastics. As soon as she put on the leotard, she could suddenly run faster, do better splits, jump higher, etc....it was too funny watching her prance around in that. Her first practice was great. She was not at all shy - I know suprise! She did great. Then this week I signed her up for soccer. I asked her what number she wanted to be and she excitedly said "ZERO!!!" I don't know why zero of all numbers butI requested that number only to come home andhave her say that she wants to be number 5....wait no 8....wait no 5...ok zero....no 8. AHHH!!! Her biggest concern about soccer is that she doesn't want to loose. She is afraid for some reason that if she looses then everyone is going to laugh at her. What she doesn't realize is that everyone will most likely be laughing all season with 3 and 4 year olds playing soccer - or at least hopefully chasing a ball around.

Now Tucker is about to turn 1 in little more than a week. He is getting so big and learning so many new tricks. He now plays peek a boo and thinks it is hilarious. he also has a new little dance that he does and it is so cute. Growing up too quick.....

Missing Child

This afternoon, Madison went to play at the neighbors house (2 houses down) for awhile. I sent the mom a message after Madison had been there for awhile asking her to send Madison home. A couple of minutes later I saw my sweet girl heading home on the sidewalk. I watched her as she she pranced home. Just before she got to the driveway, I turned to check on her supper, I may have been away from the window for a total of about 20 seconds. I went back to the door, to open the door for her and I didn't see her on the driveway. I opened the door and did a quick scan of the side yard and the carport but she was not there. I grabbed Tucker and went outside to retrieve my child and give her a good spanking for not coming straight home. I figured she had gone around to the front to get the mail so I walked around the corner of the house, hollering her name. She wasn't there. I continued around the front of the house, hollering her name a bit louder - no answer. I went back inside the house and checked her room, closet, bathroom and every room in the house- by checking the house I mean that I was frantically screaming her name because there was no sign of her and she had just been on the driveway. I grabbed the phone and headed back outside, dialing my neighbors number and still screaming her name - I got the neighbors voicemail. I walked down the sidewalk and just as I was about to dial 911 I see our next door neighbor standing inside his door about to go in the backyard. Mind you, by this time I am frantic and Tucker is screaming because I have just lost it....screaming at the top of my lungs. I walk up to his house and just open the door without knocking or anything. He must have seen the look of INSANITY in my eyes - you know the look that only moms can get when they have got to that point at the end of their rope.....the neighbor did not say a word to me. I just grabbed Madison by the arm and drug her home, with Tucker still crying in my arms. I got in the house, closed the door, collapsed in the floor with both of my babies in my lap and I just cried. This was one of those moments in my life that I NEVER want to repeat. I can not imagine what I would have done had I lost my little girl. Now here is what bothers me about this whole experience - while I am running up and down the sidewalk with a screaming baby and screaming "MADISON!!!" at the top of my lungs - not a single person came out to see what was going on. This is my plea to you, if you hear a frantic mom screaming a child's name, stop what you are doing and help that mom. There is no worse feeling than those moments when you are imaging the worst - in my mind, Madison had been picked up by a crazy kidnapper that was going to do who knows what to her.

We continue with the rest of our evening and get ready for bed. As we put Madison to be we are reading her Bible stories and the first one we open to tonight is when Mary and Joseph loose Jesus as he is still in the Temple. They lost Him for 3 days?!?!?!? I can not imagine. I know I have read this story 1000 times in my life but today it gave me new understanding about what Mary and Joseph had to be feeling with their child missing for 3 days.

Tomorrow is another day.

Pre School Pro

Today was the first day of preschool for Madison, so it was a big day. We took it easy last night and did lots of preparations for the big day. We picked out a nice outfit, painted fingernails and toenails and went to bed extra early. Madison got up this morning and complained that I got her up too early, oh well. She got ready and was so excited. We took Tucker to Mrs. Rita's then headed to preschool. Madison had no apprehension about the big milestone in her life that was happening.

As we were driving to preschool, I gave her the typical first day of school talk - listen to your teacher, share the toys, be nice, raise your hand, remeber to ask to go to the bathroom when you need to go. We pulled into the parking lot of school and Madison said "Mommy, you can just drop me off here and I can go in." As if I would actually drop her off and miss walking her to class - good thing that is not an option and that she has to be signed in each morning, she can't rob me of the joy of taking her to class. We walked in and she was such a big girl. As we rounded the corner into her classroom, the Dinosaur classroom I suddenly noticed the leech that had attached to my leg. She was holding on to me and slowly looking around the room. I showed her around the room and she met her teacher, Ms. Holly.

I saw two kids coloring with markers so I took Madison over to meet the kids and color so that I could get her involved in something. I told her to introduce herself and she so she said, "Hey. My name is Madison." The 2 kids looked at her and then looked back at their papers. I asked the kids to tell Madison their names. The little girl looked up and said "Jordan" and the little boy looked up and without hesitation said "SpiderMan." (according to the teacher he demands to be called Spiderman or Peter Parker - ha ha.) Madison sat down to color and that was it. She didn't give me another look so I slipped out. She did not shed a single tear. Now mom on the other hand, cried like a baby on my way out the door of the preschool. I sat in the parking lot in the car, sobbing into my hands because my baby is growing up more and more every day.

I called just after lunch time and Ms. Holly reported that Madison was doing great. I took off work a bit early to go pick Madison up at about 3:30. I watched her playing for a few minutes and she was having an absolute blast. I said her name and she dashed across the room into my arms. She may be big enough to goto school now but still the perfect size for big bear hugs with her mom. As we walked out of school, Madison said "Thanks for letting me go to preschool, Mommy." That statement made my day. All the tears and worrying were worth every bit with that one statement. Later in the car while she was telling me all about her day she said, "Why did you have to pick me up so early?" We agreed that she could stay a bit longer tomorrow.

Madison has a daily report that comes home with her to let us know how she did. Big suprise that "talkative" was marked on her card. She was cooperative, talkative, took a nap and had a good day. My big girl is a preschool pro. Tomorrow is another day and I hope it goes as well as today.